Wondering if your desires are «normal» is much more common than you think. A preference for a scenario, a sensation, a type of stimulation or a particular dynamic is not automatically a problem. As long as it respects the law, consent and integrity of each, it is simply part of the diversity of sexualities.
The objective is therefore not to judge oneself, but to understand what provides pleasure, what puts its limits at ease and where its limits are. Sex toys can be useful in this process because they allow you to gradually explore sensations, alone or in pairs, with more control.
What is a sexual preference?
A sexual preference refers to an element that particularly increases excitement or pleasure. It can be an atmosphere, a sound, a way to be touched, a body area, a rhythm, a role, a material or even a form of interaction.
There are not two opposing categories, with on one side «normal» people and on the other «atypical» people on the other. Preferences are rather on a continuum: some people slightly appreciate one type of stimulation, others have a much more marked attraction.
They can also change. What pleased a period of life can lose its importance, while new desires appear with experience, relationships or a better knowledge of one's body.
Where do sexual preferences come from?
There is no single formula to explain why one person appreciates one practice and another does not.
experiences and associations
Certain sensations or situations experienced over time can create positive associations. It is not necessary that a specific event be at the origin of a preference: the brain gradually builds its own landmarks around pleasure.
The environment and relationships
Culture, education, partners and the way we talk about sexuality also influence what we dare to discover.
The fantasies and content that we discover
A movie, story, image, or conversation can arouse curiosity for a particular scenario. Fantasy does not necessarily mean wanting to reproduce the scene in reality exactly: fantasy can simply indicate what stimulates the imagination.
Exploration in adulthood
Many preferences become clearer through experience. By trying different rhythms, different areas or sex toys, we understand better what works and what leaves you indifferent.
The most common forms of preferences
There are a wide variety of desires, but some large families help to understand them better:
- Context preferences, such as role-playing, certain outfits or a particular atmosphere; ;
- Sensory preferences, for example vibration, pressure, temperature differences or temporarily limiting sight; ;
- Consensual power games, which may include domination, submission or light BDSM practices; ;
- preferences related to certain parts of the body, to a specific posture or movement; ;
- Preferences assisted by sex toys, like masturbators, vibrators, dildos or stimulation accessories.
Loving a category does not mean that you have to move towards more intense practices.
How sex toys can help to get to know each other better
A sex toy does not replace a partner and is not intended to define what one «should» love.
Test the rhythm and pressure with a masturbator
A masturbator can help identify whether you prefer a soft or tighter feeling, slow or fast movement, manual or automated stimulation.
Rather than choosing the model that has the most functions, it is better to start with the sensations you want to discover.
Compare different types of vibration
Vibrators make it easy to vary the intensity, rhythm and stimulated area.
Explore a realistic feel
Realistic dildos, anatomical masturbators or oral simulators may be of interest to people who are more looking for a feeling of shape, texture or movement. Here again, the goal is not to look for «the most realistic» at all costs, but the model corresponding to the type of stimulation desired.
Discover bondage or BDSM gradually
For a first discovery, it is better to favor simple accessories: headband, easy-to-remove links or soft accessories. Any constraint game must remain based on clear communication and an immediate possibility of stopping.
How to choose a sex toy adapted to what you want to explore?
Before purchase, a few questions avoid choosing a product only because it looks impressive in a photo:
- Which area do we want to boost?
- Do we prefer vibration, pressure, suction, penetration or a combination?
- Do we want a simple product or several modes of operation?
- Should the product be waterproof?
- What are its real dimensions?
- Which lubricant is compatible with its material?
- How does it clean itself and how does it store?
On Solddolls, the product characteristics allow to compare dimensions, materials and functions. For a first exploration, a simple and adjustable model is often more useful than a complex device whose majority of options will never be used.
Essential rules when another person participates
Consent should be explicit
A practice does not become acceptable because it corresponds to a fantasy. Each person must agree with what is going to be done and must be able to change their minds at any time.
Set limits before you start
For role-playing, constraints or BDSM, it is useful to discuss what is accepted, what is not and, if necessary, to choose a clear word of security.
Respect privacy
A photo or an intimate video should never be taken or kept without the agreement of all the persons concerned.
Maintain good hygiene
A sex toy should be cleaned according to the manufacturer's recommendations before and after use. When a toy is shared, appropriate protection and rigorous cleaning reduces the risk of transmission.
A simple method to explore without rushing
Start by identifying a single craving: a different vibration, a more realistic texture, a stronger pressure or a new stimulation zone.
Also prepare what makes the experiment easier: a compatible lubricant, the cleaning kit and enough time to not feel in a hurry. During use, modify one variable at a time — rhythm, intensity, or position — to understand what really makes the difference.
If you are exploring with a partner, talk about your impressions during and after. This communication is often more useful than finding a toy presented as «perfect».
When a preference becomes a source of discomfort
A preference doesn't need to be removed just because it's unusual. On the other hand, if a desire causes significant distress, becomes difficult to control, interferes with daily life or involves non-consented situations, it is relevant to talk about it to a qualified professional, for example a sexologist or a psychologist.
to remember
Sexual preferences are part of individual diversity. Understanding them often makes it possible to communicate better, to choose appropriate practices and to avoid randomly searching for sensations that do not correspond to their needs.
Sex toys can be used as exploration tools because they offer a controllable framework: you can adjust the intensity, stop immediately, compare different sensations and progress at your own pace. The benchmarks are always the same: Consent, safety, hygiene, communication and respect for your own limits.
French 
English (United States) 
German 
Spanish 
Portuguese 
Italian 
English (UK)