Many people buy a vibrator thinking that the engine power will do all the work. After a few tries, they are sometimes disappointed: the vibration is very present, but the excitement does not rise as much as they hoped or the orgasm does not arrive.
The reason is simple: masturbation does not depend solely on physical contact. Attention, desire, fantasies, feeling of security and how you use the toy also contribute to the experience.
Physical stimulation and mental stimulation
Two dimensions can be distinguished without transforming them into a mathematical formula.
- Physical stimulation: Vibration, caresses, pressure, friction, penetration, pelvis movements or contact with another part of the body.
- Mental stimulation: Fantasies, anticipation, erotic content, words, memories, romantic background or just feeling relaxed and available.
These dimensions often reinforce each other. Very intense physical stimulation can remain unpleasant if the mind is completely elsewhere. Conversely, strong mental excitement can make a light caress particularly effective.
There is, however, no score of the type «physical + mental stimulation = 100». Each person reacts differently and the answer even varies from one session to another.
Why Increase Vibration Doesn't Always Solve The Problem
When the orgasm is slow, the reflex is often to take it to the next level. It sometimes works, but too strong stimulation can also cause numbness, discomfort or pain.
The clitoris and other erogenous zones gain nothing by being «forced». If the intensity becomes unpleasant, lower it or move the toy around the area rather than directly on it.
Think of spicy food: An intensity that your friend finds perfect can be far too strong for you. There is no universal setting.
Involve the brain during masturbation
If you like to use erotic support, you really choose what suits your tastes. Watching a video out of habit when she doesn't excite you much doesn't automatically bring mental stimulation.
You can also use:
- a personal fantasy; ;
- a erotic story or audio; ;
- exciting memories; ;
- a musical atmosphere; ;
- a consented conversation with a partner; ;
- Or simply the attention paid to sensations without any external content.
The most important thing is that the mind is not busy checking notifications, listening to if someone arrives or wondering every thirty seconds why the orgasm is not there yet.
How to use the vibrator gradually?
Start with a few caresses without toys to let the excitement appear. Apply lubricant if the model and the stimulated area require it.
Then place the vibrator on a less sensitive area: vulva, sides of the clitoris, outer lips or other place you like. Use the lowest level then increase only if your body is asking for more.
Purple Elf G-spot Vibrator with 10 Clitoris Suctions, Aixiya24,99€View product
Move the toy. Some people like a fixed contact, others prefer small circles or a back-and-forth movement. Also test different pressures rather than just different speeds.
When the fun rises, you don't have to change modes. Regular adjustment can be more effective than a permanent pattern of patterns.
And during intercourse with a partner?
The same logic applies. The body does not necessarily start at the maximum of its excitement at the time of penetration.
Foreplay, caresses, words, kisses and clitoral stimulation can help both partners enter the experience. There is no perfect duration of foreplay: they last as long as they remain pleasant and useful.
Communicate instead of guessing. Slower«, »keep it up«, »I like here« or »wait a bit« give much more precise indications than an attempt to read the other’s thoughts.
A vibrator can also be used in pairs, including for adding external stimulation during penetration or for prolonging preliminaries.
Don't turn orgasm into an exam
The more you say to yourself «it absolutely has to work», the more attention can be moved from pleasure to performance. Orgasm then becomes a task to be accomplished.
Instead, try to rate the session differently: were you relaxed? Have you discovered a pleasant feeling? Did you find an setting you want to reuse? Even without orgasm, this information is useful.
If pain appears, stop. If you feel temporary numbness after very intense stimulation, let the area recover instead of further increasing the power.
The right vibrator is the one you can adapt to your body
A powerful toy is not necessarily better. Fine settings, shape, ergonomics and the ability to easily move the stimulation are often more important than the number of motors.
Pair a comfortable intensity with a mental context that actually excites you, take your time and change one thing at a time. Masturbation then becomes less a performance search and more a way of learning what works for you.
French 
English (United States) 
German 
Spanish 
Portuguese 
Italian 
English (UK)